he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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