My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
