this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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