I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
