it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
