He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize