You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Who died my cat blue again?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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