Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
