Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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