I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
