I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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