So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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