She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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