You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
