i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I am midnight drunk by noon
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Randomize
