I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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