I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
