Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize