living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
