somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
