I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
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