i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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