Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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