that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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