My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
