i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
