bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
