The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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