thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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