Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
