I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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