Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
