U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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