So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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