Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
dude. I can hear the air.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
