You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
