Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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