If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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