Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
