My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
