Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
