remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
