we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize