She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
from now on my penis is your penis
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
