i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
