IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
