I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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