I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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