Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
