Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
