Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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