are you so shy because you have an std?
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
