I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
