12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
