the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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