oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
He did a backflip because drugs
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
