M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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