I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
