just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
