I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
