hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
So squirting runs in the family.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize