I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
