what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
