I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Randomize
