Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
