i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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