dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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