Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
