I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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