I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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