I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
