she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
