I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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