does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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