"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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