dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Randomize
